Ladies, you’re going to love this. Especially if your guy doesn’t quite yet embrace the wisdom just ahead. Maybe you can get him to read this article.

Guys, I strongly recommend you take to heart the insights I’m about to share. You can thank me later.

Let’s start with a little history, then get to the main point…

Back in 1974, a British rock group called the Hollies came out with one of the best romantic songs of all time. The Air That I Breathe captivated lovers — and wannabe lovers — everywhere, with its iconic melody and lyrics.

And this tune wasn’t just for ordinary lovers or artsy-wimpy lovers. It was also for strong, iron-pumping athletes like me. Loved the song back in ’74 and still do. Just because you love sports action and building strong muscles doesn’t mean you can’t love tender romance too.

In fact, just the opposite.

But before I disclose in detail — or remind you of — what the song’s about, let me make a very strong point here. I want it clear that I am nearing my senior citizen years and have the sensibilities of a compassionate Conservative Christian. With what I’ve learned in life to this point, I’m pretty darn sure we should all avoid being too overly detailed in relating sensual-sexual material in print or in photos or in movies or in video clips (ministerial or medical training and treatment aside, of course).

Vital Thing #1: Human nakedness and intimacy are not righteously intended for public consumption. Inappropriate self-exposure is sicko-perverse and has always been at the heart of rituals in Old Testament Ba’al worship, as well as its modern-day descendants, that God utterly hates and condemns.

The Song of Solomon from the Bible, though, is wonderful. It will, therefore, be our style guide, and I’ll do my best to adhere to the wise king’s way of expressing himself in matters of romantic love and intimacy.

That said, I’m going to tell the truth. After all, God clearly made us as males and females, sexual creatures with desires and instincts and special anatomical differences and all of that. Our Creator takes delight in the whole intimacy process when it is pure — but hates it, of course, when it’s corrupted and therefore a rip-off. (That’s where porn is such a fraudulent activity. It is never based on love. It’s just depraved, degraded sexual function paraded before a camera to create dark-minded voyeurs everywhere.)

If we’re going to have Grand Vitality in life, then, we need wholesome, loving intimacy in private. Anything less puts a serious hit on our psychological, spiritual, and even physical health.

Okay, before we go further, here’s the Wikipedia summary about the song serving as our key illustration today.

The Air That I Breathe

“The Air That I Breathe” is a ballad written by Albert Hammond and Mike Hazlewood, initially recorded by Albert Hammond on his 1972 album It Never Rains in Southern California. This song was a major hit for The Hollies in early 1974, reaching number two in the United Kingdom. In the summer of 1974, the song reached number six in the United States on the Billboard Hot 100 chart and number three on the Adult Contemporary chart. In Canada, the song peaked at number five on the RPM Magazine charts. The audio engineering for “The Air That I Breathe” was done by Alan Parsons. It proved to be the Hollies’ final charting hit in the US.

 Now, if you Google the song’s lyrics and discern its clear message, you see that it’s about that wonderful physical peace lovers experience when they have just consummated together a fantastic lovemaking experience. I know, I know. The songwriter doesn’t mention whether the lady is his wife or not. We’ll intentionally give him a pass on this.

But note that the fellow who is testifying through the song’s lyrics says he doesn’t need a thing but the air that he’s breathing. He doesn’t need a cigarette, and he doesn’t need to sleep. He needs no light or sound. He doesn’t need anything to eat or a book to read.

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For the past two blogs, I’ve exalted Jack and Rebecca, Randall and Kate and Kevin…five unbelievably realistic and powerful characters in the Pearson family of This Is Us. If you haven’t yet checked out this TV series on NBC, I couldn’t more highly recommend it!

Now, please understand that at age 61, I am gravitating more and more away from watching TV. Even many of my formerly beloved NFL games on Sundays and through-the-summer nightly Colorado Rockies contests are getting replaced with more productive activities. I’m also keeping my drama-watching down to the very best shows (for my tastes) like Scorpion and Madam Secretary and Nashville — in order to move back to more consistent Bible study, novel reading, and writerly skills development training.

Still, I can’t help but praise This Is Us. Two enthusiastic thumbs up. It’s that good.

However, one day when that show is all over (if that day ever comes), and I’ve gone on with my life…how much of the drama from This Is Us will have impacted my character deep inside? How much will it have transformed me?

I’m thinking that only knowing God more and more  can really do that. They say you become like who or what you admire, even adore. You especially become like those who have captivated your attention the most, the ones you spend the most time with and listen to the most.

When we’re young, that’s our parents or guardians.

But soon, we can get introduced to God himself, through observing nature and asking deep questions…

…then through hearing His main message, which is recorded in the Bible and is about His Son and the price He paid to save us.

Both of those pursuits require something far different from passivity in my recliner. They require serious attention and heart-searching and dealing with the voice of God’s Spirit speaking at the very core of my existence.

And then! After getting well along in the pursuit and appreciation of those two parts of knowing God, I can advance further. I can continue on into a steadily active, seeking, progressive pursuit of Scriptural truth that helps me know God like I’ll never know Jack and Rebecca, or Randall and Kate and Kevin from This Is Us.

Warning: Mere observance of church rituals and “going through the motions” at church has little to do with what really allows us to know God. Millions of people on earth are deceived at this point, and they need to wake up and smell the spiritual coffee.

Difference #3: If I truly want to know and understand God — this was something God told Jeremiah the prophet was to be valued above all else in life and something to really
“boast about” — I must diligently learn of the Bible’s full revelation through listening to emotionally mature, theologically sound pastors and teachers on a regular basis.

I’ve gotten to know fairly well the This Is Us characters with only one hour a week of exposure to their drama on TV. I’ve kicked back, relaxed, and simply watched and listened.

But with spiritual truth, I’ve got to get a bit more serious than that. What really helps at this point is to listen closely to qualified presenters and even take notes. When I do this, I find myself wanting to ponder, and discuss, and think some more and pray. I come back to the same verses that my pastors and teachers have directed my attention toward before, so that I can reconsider and ponder yet again, and pray again.

In a word, I steadily and aggressively seek to know God through understanding — and living out in my faith and actions! — more of the powerful truth of Scripture.

And here’s the thing: I need to progress on this journey with a sincere heart that I guard from the corruptions of the world threatening me at all times. If I go rogue and turn immoral in my behavior in spite of being a believer in Christ, forget getting to know God better until I repent. Yes, I know that young and/or “carnal” Christians can actually act just as bad as, or worse than, “the lost” of this world.

Is, then, my pursuit of God to be a frantic all-out rush? Should I become desperate and obsessed?  Not at all. We only truly grow like trees and grass grow. Quietly. Steadily. Slowly. Without a lot of fanfare and fuss. We don’t draw attention to it, we just do it…by feeding on spiritual nutrients and drawing in “Son-shine” and rain as we bask in the knowledge of the great love of God.

So…this begs the question: do Sunday School and Vacation Bible School alone when I am a kid, and a weekly sermon now as an adult, meet my lifelong need for this kind of learning? No way. Those things are excellent, but they only get me started.

In fact, I hungered way back in college for more and more understanding of God and Christianity so I dropped my Business major then my English major, keeping them as minors while I put Theology classes at the top of my priority list and got a degree in Bible. I also studied devotionally on my own, memorizing many verses.

Then I went on to Seminary — without any particular ministry calling — because I just wanted to keep learning.

But not everyone needs to do formal training. I was destined to become a Youth Minister for over 10 years, so I did. But we all can study and grow closer to, and more knowledgeable of, God without formal theological studies.

Sorry, Jack and Rebecca, but when I turn the TV off and am not watching your show anymore, I’m not going to “study you” any further.

I will, however, study God. Humbly and persistently. Not becoming arrogant in my “knowledge” but all the time becoming more a servant to the glorious Lord Jesus Christ who is infinitely good and loving to me.

Special note: Baby Christians — and even older but still immature believers — can and do stumble badly at times. Especially if they get deceived and become either arrogant or fearful. As one wise pastor taught, Satan has a strategy for your destruction. And I’ve come to understand that generational curses and sin patterns run deep and insidious.

Anyway, J. I. Packer, in his all-time super-brilliant classic entitled Knowing God, emphasizes that there is no higher, greater pursuit in this life than drawing close to, and seeking to contemplate and understand the greatness of, God himself. All other things in our star-crossed earthly pilgrimages will fade away in significance. How much I know God in this life, though, makes a huge difference in my forever and ever.

On this subject, aside from John Eldredge’s Wild At Heart 3-book series, I can’t recommend any other author or book more than I do J. I. Packer’s Knowing God. It takes real intellectual and spiritual work to get through the book. But is it ever worth it!

Difference #4: I can seek the knowledge of God on my own without a pastor or a teacher helping me….if I have a good foundation of understanding to start with and the Spirit helps me.

What if the characters in This Is Us were willing to come to your home and sit down with you over a cup of coffee and explain more and more of themselves and their lives to you personally? Would you take them up on it? I would! I’m a novelist and I’d love to get further insights into their characters/personalities/etc. And I’d love to ask them questions about themselves and their dramatic actions in various scenes and about what led them to becoming a character on This Is Us!

But even more importantly, I want what Jesus promised, particularly as recorded in John’s Gospel: the Holy Spirit speaking to me and explaining things as I read the Bible, opening up my spiritual understanding as I study. Alone, I’m pretty sure I’d be feckless when it comes to growing myself up spiritually. But with the Spirit, who is Christ himself in unseen form, I have a great teacher who loves me and loves to empower me as I labor to expand my knowledge of God.

Now granted, there is definitely a place for man-made Bible study tools. Like many, many others, I have profited greatly from Vine’s Theological Dictionary that gives me clear definitions and the root meanings of words in the New and Old Testaments both. I also love study Bibles and concordances and various commentaries. But in the end, it’s the Spirit who must clarify things in a way that empowers me to keep Jesus’ commands in my daily comings and goings.

Oh, and one more thing. Someone once said: “We Christians have only one book God calls us to master. Compared to the many texts that lawyers and doctors and other professionals have to study to gain authorization in their fields of practice, we believers have but one book, made up of 66 chapters. We must set as our determined goal the mastery of the knowledge of this one book.”

Well, I buy into that view, to a degree. Mostly, I just want to walk with God everyday — through meditation and prayer — and be as aggressive as I can in studying Scripture. If I don’t know every single name or fact or restatement of essential spiritual truth contained in the Bible before I die, but I’m still obedient in my walk, it’s all good.

Guess what? I pretty much know that neither the writers nor the directors nor the producers of This Is Us, and not even the actors themselves, are ever going to come be with me to tell me more about the TV story that’s so great. It’s a nice fantasy to hope that they would, but…not gonna happen.

Jesus, though? By His Spirit? Anytime I’m ready to get serious about seeking the knowledge of God, He’ll be right there with me!

Difference #5: To get to know God as He wants me to, I must actively participate in His “body,” the church, as represented in a local congregation.

Doing this, I’ve got to be intentional and intelligently committed about following the leadership of my pastor(s) and loving as many individual members as I can as I regularly join with all of them in worship, outreach ministry, giving money, etc. That’s when…

…a “miracle” occurs. I get to see Jesus through the lives and special ministries of my fellow church members. Yes, they are very imperfect. The better I get to know them, the more clearly I’ll see their flaws. This calls for spiritual patience and forgiveness and love.

But it’s only in the dynamics of sharing fellowship with my brothers and sisters in church life do I get to see what the Lord does in that context, which is awesome if observed over time and with spiritually keen insight. Church life doesn’t need to be as sensational as a Hollywood movie. Best that it isn’t. That would be too exhausting.

But…

It’s only the spiritually empty-headed and empty-hearted that find no worth at all in the life of the church. Perhaps they’ve set themselves up as judges rather being servants of Jesus?

So…keeping my distance and doing “my own thing” far away from my local church is nothing like what Jesus calls us to do. He died for the church. The Apostle Paul wrote some of his most weighty letters to individual congregations as well as some to church-leading individuals like Timothy.

The church, then, is truly where the action is in redemption history. If you alienate yourself from Jesus’s ongoing work by not choosing some Bible-believing local church near you to share your life with, what solid assurance do you have that you belong to Him at all? You clearly don’t share His values.

Oh, and as all this relates to our truly wonderful This Is Us characters?

They’ll be happy if I just sit at home and watch them on my TV from hundreds or even thousands of miles away. It’s only entertainment, after all. Not intended for purposes related to eternal life. No real fellowship or mutual commitment required.

This is a Sunday post, definitely for the soul.

Last time, I talked about the 5 main characters of the wildly popular TV drama This Is Us and said how easy it is to sit in my comfortable leather recliner and watch on TV the multi-faceted story, which is loaded with flashbacks to show ever more deeply the development of motivation and character.

I also mentioned that I don’t have to work hard at all getting to know these captivating characters and their dramatic stories. I only have to watch and listen, observing and remembering. Piece of cake.

The writers, directors, and producers of This Is Us are brilliant, never overloading us with too much “character exposure” or info at any one point. As observers of the story, we are given just enough to keep us informed and “baited forward” further into the engrossing story of the 5-member Pearson family, which at present has expanded to include a female foster child who is a young black teenager.

And here’s the deal on all of this, as concerns our souls and our own grand vitality in life. Entertainment is certainly a blessing, a fun stress-reliever. As with a Shakespearean play or other great drama, we can even learn some important life lessons from This Is Us. The story can affect our souls.

But…how deep and lasting are those moral lessons from the show? Do they really transform us simply by our passively watching the TV screen from our comfy easy chair? Do those lessons truly contribute in a powerful way to my grand vitality?

I’m going to say, probably not. Character transformation is an active process. Participation required. Active, purposeful, aggressive making of choices and taking action is a must if we are going to see our true makeup inside change for the better.

So, I now ask again: how is the “entertainment process” essentially different from the life-transforming journey of getting to know the Creator of the whole cosmos? I won’t go quite yet into how important that journey is, I’ll just assume for the moment you have a good grasp of it already. And I’ll assume you agree with me that real growth as people is not a passive pursuit.

I now, then, present my 5 points on the essential difference between getting to “know” the wonderful, delightful, captivating characters of This Is Us — who are human and flawed and sometimes even frail — and getting to know the unseen but mighty God, who gives me life and breath and everything else and is the one who ultimately controls my eternal destiny beyond this brief, pain-afflicted earth journey we’re on.

Difference #1: With the pursuit of knowing God, I first must not only observe nature — which quietly but effectively witnesses to God’s eternal power and divinity as revealed in Genesis 1 and 2 (also see Romans 1) — I must also ask questions and seek out answers in the very depths of my heart.

Who made all this amazing creation — the sky and the trees and the mountains and the lakes and the rivers and the grass and the animals and…? Who has designed it all so that all of it works together?

More importantly, does the Creator high above me know me? Does he care? What’s he really like? What does he want me to do in life?

Testimony: I first asked these questions as a five-year-old sitting under a huge oak tree on the recreation yard out back of my preschool building in Austin, Texas. I looked up at the big, fluffy white clouds in the sky and wondered about the ultimate “character” of the universe whom I tried to envision high above those clouds.

And I did this day after day. My pursuit of the knowledge of God was on in my young life! He had quietly prompted it within me and I was game for the challenge.

So, as you can see…

There’s nothing passive about this questioning we must do. But note this: it’s even more engrossing than “entertainment.”

Difference #2: With the pursuit of knowing God, I must hear his main message that calls me to make a fundamental change of heart and mind in the here and now — that is, if I care about seeking to become a part of his eternal family that will soon live in an amazing kingdom right here on earth. Remember that Jesus was always talking about His coming kingdom!

Note: Things get even better later when heaven and earth both are refashioned into absolute perfection, with no sea.  The New Jerusalem comes down out of heaven and touches down on this very earth and we who have believed live forever and ever seeing God face to face, with Jesus exalted forever among us as our Lamb slain and glorious High Priest, both at the same time.

I know, I know…the details and the glory are beyond our total grasp at present. The joy we’ll experience is unimaginable.

But for now, what is that main message I was speaking of? Repent and believe. It’s that simple, but that challenging.

The Old Testament prophets preached it. John the Baptist preached it. Jesus preached it. The apostles preached it: Turn from your life of choosing immorality and sin, and choose once and for all to turn back to God, by believing in and relying on His awesome Son who died for you and was raised back to life, guaranteeing your own chance at eternal life. His promise is that He’ll help you along the way, in a big way!

However. When I watch This Is Us, the actors in the show don’t really ask me to do anything. They only hope, I suppose, that I’ll enjoy watching them perform and perhaps take some “something” away from the experience of joining in their story.

And I’ll grant you that in a very real sense, if we’re going to see and know God, we also need to enjoy “watching Him” and listening to Him as he speaks through the pages of the Bible. With the eyes of our heart, we need to quietly observe Him being the main character of the entire Biblical story, in the anticipation that He is going to speak to us way deep in our hearts about our relationship with Him.

Would it surprise you to know that the key activity of believing is listening? Jesus said more than once that those who refuse to listen to Him — and heed His words — are never going to know Him or enjoy His eternal blessings. But good news! We can listen and believe, just as He longs for us to. Repeatedly, He says He has great love to pour out on us if we will only trust Him…which begins with listening.

Even the Apostle Paul quoted an Old Testament prophet when he said: “Faith comes by hearing (which of course includes listening) and hearing by the Word of Christ (the Bible).” Romans 10:17 ESV

Question: Is there only one way to hear God’s main message? Nope. There are several.  I myself heard a Billy Graham associate evangelist in Arlington, TX, preaching for two weeks at the UTA football stadium back in the summer of 1965. One night, he told about two brothers that fought, and I realized from my own struggles with my older brother how at times I had hated and inflicted violence on him the best I could manage. Then I had lied about what I’d blatantly done, right to my mother’s face.

I was a sinner.

For real.

I also knew I had stolen from my friend. Took money right out of his bedroom  piggy bank when he was in the kitchen getting some milk and cookies. I was no better than the two thieves on the crosses on either side of Jesus.

Well, thanks to God, Homer Martinez helped me see that it was Jesus dying on the cross that paid the terrible bloody-sacrifice price for my sins. He did it because He loved His Heavenly Father and wanted to do His perfect will — which was to demonstrate to the whole world how utterly dark and ugly and poisonous sin really is, and at the same time show what His love is willing to do for me.

And Jesus went to the cross because, just like the Father, he loves you and me.

Okay…we’ve gotten started. I want to spend next time exploring the other ways people hear God’s main message and then touch on the other 3 differences between getting to know This Is Us characters and getting to know our Creator.

But one thing’s for sure, I’ve learned: If we are willing to listen to God, and believe Christ and follow Him, we will have a sure peace in our very hearts that affects all of our bodies and even our finances. We may not become rich — probably won’t, in fact — and we may never get our physiques built up like an Arnold Schwarzenegger.

What we will have is peace with God and the peace of God, and we’ll know where we’re headed forever and ever after this life is over for us.

I don’t know about you, but I have been mesmerized — literally captivated — by the story and characters of the TV drama This Is Us this past year.

Learning about the series late, I had to go back and binge watch the first year’s past episodes, then ride along to the end of the season. Using my DVR, I’m keeping up pretty much on pace with all of this second season. What a deep pleasure. What an amazing emotional thrill.

Has there ever been a more boldly innovative telling of a TV story, a more insightfully designed and powerfully written script? Have we ever seen any more brilliantly acted characters — apart from some of the greatest big screen movies of all time? (The way you know acting is brilliant is because it seems so incredibly natural, not “acting” at all, and causes a near-total suspension of disbelief.)

I keep waiting for a misstep with This Is Us. A false note. A hokey portrayal. Something too sugary sweet or darkly over-dramatic. It hasn’t happened. The stuff is solid to the core, in my HBAO (humble but accurate opinion). And my hat’s off to the creator of the series, its writers, directors, etc. etc…and of course to all the actors doing such an incredible job.

Here are the 5 main characters that live and struggle together in the single family of This Is Us, with two white parents and three children, one of them a black adopted boy and the other two white twins:

Note: I apologize for the messed-up formatting after this next paragraph. Inserting the chart above seems to have thrown the software off for its regular paragraph formation, etc.

So there I was, way back in the hot, hot summer of 1980 in Forth Worth, Texas. I’d just changed out of my dark brown formal wedding tux into nice jeans and a polo shirt, heading for the getaway car with my new bride.

My ’71 Satellite Sebring Plus was shiny clean and parked just out back of Southcliff Baptist Church. Family and friends had wildly decorated my blue sports car with streaming toilet paper and white shoe polish messages that might have been a little suggestive.  And somebody had stuffed a potato in the tail pipe.

No matter. My young wife and I were headed out for our honeymoon! Woo-hoo! Church-sanctioned intimacy at last, waiting for us just a couple hours’ drive away!

The one thing not on our minds as we strode to my car with great anticipation was some out-of-the-blue financial management tip, if you know what I mean.

But sure enough, from our right quickly approached one of our acquaintances from Young Adult Sunday School class. Eager to intercept us before we could escape, she was clearly burdened with something she felt she had to pass on to me…immediately!

“Greg, I don’t know when I’ll see you again,” she said, “and I needed to tell you something. Marriage can get to be hard work after a while, and money matters can be a real stumbling block. But if you’ll set aside 10% of everything you make into a savings fund, and don’t touch it and let it grow, you’ll never have a problem in that way. Okay! God bless!”

She waved us off, and as she walked away I responded with nothing more than a puzzled raise of my hand in acknowledgment. What in the world possessed her to tell me that at this moment? I wondered.

To this day, I don’t remember that young woman’s name, but I never forgot her tip.

But neither did I heed it. And I wish I had.

Save 10%? Ha! I’d been a seminary student surviving off tuna fish, often with no bread or mayo, and depending on free meals at my church now and then. But suddenly I had a wife making over $700 a month working in a downtown bank. When you added my part-timish contribution to our fledgling budget during the school year — $100 a month from coaching Jr. Optimist League sports at a local elementary school and $50 a week from part-time Youth Ministry work out of town — just like that I was a rich man.

Comparatively, of course.

So our thinking became, Let’s live it up!  “Celebrate good times, come on!”  (Thanks, Kool & The Gang!) 

Even though I was still to be in seminary for another 3 years, Betty Crocker Double Fudge Brownies with Dr Pepper became our  go-to celebration indulgence. (Caveat: We always tried not to pay more than 1¢ per ounce for our much-loved soft drink. We’d wait until it was on sale in big returnable glass bottles at the local Piggly Wiggly.) And we even had steak now and then. We ate out at times. I never went hungry anymore.

But my new wife, in spite of having received from her doctor a starter version of the pill, had gotten pregnant on our honeymoon. Financial challenges were already in the making.

And in the years just ahead, even when I got a full-time Youth Ministry job at $22,600 (think 1982 dollars!), we still struggled over finances. We had one child, then two (later on a third and a fourth!) and the “prophecy” was coming true. Money matters…well, they matter. And we had no savings.

I’d completely disregarded the principle of setting aside a long-term savings fund built with 10% of my income. And at times there was hell to pay.

I even cut my finger wide open when I angrily swiped at a steak sauce bottle on the dining room table before me. The bottle shattered, inflicting a gaping wound directly on the part of my left hand’s finger that bore my wedding ring.

We’d been having a rather animated argument over money.

I ended up spending our last $85 to get my finger sewed up. Really smart, huh? I still have the scar to this day.

And when my wife and I finally split up — at first emotionally then for real — we were deep in debt. $18,000 deep, in 1997. That might be near an equivalent $40,000 today. And the stress back then had contributed to unimaginably dark thinking and living, even though we were believers, church-goers. It wasn’t the entire reason for our divorce, not by a long shot. But it was like a vise grip on the darkest regions of our psyches, and it squeezed the very worst out of us both.

They say today that in 70% of divorces, money stress is a big part of the breakdown.

So…

How hard is it to start saving 10% of your income? What mindset, what discipline, is required to do it?

Do spiritual resources and convictions from a steady walk with God help in this regard?

What if we have a good example in our parents to follow? What if we don’t?

My father is a retired Accounting Professor and CPA who at one point was also certified to sell retirement age financial investment products. He knows a thing or two about budgeting and financial planning. And he has a passion to help others do a good job of organizing their money matters. So he recently asked me to co-author/edit an e-book with him entitled Financial Planning Made Easier: An Illustrated Primer To The 5 Keys For A More Awesome Financial Future. Soon, it will be available on Amazon Kindle. A second and third book will follow, to include understanding investments and making good use of insurance.

Hope you’ll be able to use Dad’s books quite profitably and enjoy them. (You’ll enjoy the illustrations in the first book, for sure!)

And I hope you’ll be wiser than I was as a young man with a wife and kids to take better care of than I did.

I should have cut out the brownies and Dr Pepper — and several other indulgences — and put money into savings.

How might things have been different if I had followed that one wise practice?

Now I understand it. Grand Vitality.  Financial health affects marital relationships in a big way and the soul health that is inextricably tied into them — which in turn affects our physical health too.

My earnest advice, learned the hard way? Strive for financial health — with protected, growing savings — to bless the whole time of your journey on earth! And Dr. Walter Austin’s book, referenced above, just might be a key tool for you to use.

Early this morning, CNN posted a sobering article on my iPhone News about divorce. It was titled:

5 factors that may predict divorce,                                                         according to psychology

The article was not long, but it was effective. It highlighted how, given that about one out of two marriages initiated some time during the last few decades eventually break up — causing all sorts of financial/emotional loss — this issue needs to be addressed.

Kudos to CNN for running the article. Baby boomers like me have especially been at risk. I can testify. And a good friend of mine — a beautiful lady I would never have expected to suffer even the slightest separation — just let me know the other day that the big “D” was happening to her.

So sad.

But for the future, if we’re going to have the best zest in our bodies, souls, and wallets (the purpose of this blog site), divorce simply cannot be part of the picture, I think we’d all agree. The cost is too massive.

And that’s just in relation to the self-concerned element of the situation. What about the cost to the kids? Let’s not soft sell this. The inner devastation for them from seeing their parents split up is insidious and quietly long-lasting, especially if they’re very young.

So what did Drake Baer of Thrive Global highlight as key factors in divorce?

1. young marriages – the older you are before you marry, the better chance you’ll last; marry young and you have to work harder to stay together when the inevitable changes in life circumstances and changes in personality expression develop.
2. demographics – sharing common education levels and religious preferences is very favorable; if there’s too much difference…problems.
3. neuroticism – emotional instability in one or both partners can spell doom. Few people are equipped to handle constant or even intermittent “severe misbehavior” or outbursts of uncontrolled emotion from their close living mate.
4. infidelity – if you cheat, “forget about it!” Chances are, you won’t be forgiven.
5. The Number One Killer of Marriages? I’ll borrow a direct quote from Drake:
   “The number one killer, as indicated in the lab and in the therapist’s office: contempt. Things that signal you’re disgusted with your partner are all super toxic for a relationship, like hostile humor, name-calling, eye-rolling. But there’s also some hope here, too: if you want a relationship to last, be kind to the person you’re with. In a sense, it’s as simple as that.”

Thanks, Drake!

And there’s another important point to make here, I’m hoping….

What if we could explore some factors for marital success before we get married? What if we could do a bit of analysis ahead of time–analysis that would make a reasonably accurate prediction of the chances for a marriage’s success? And if that rating were below, say, a 70 or 75 out of of 100, “forget about it!”

Here are the 5 great truths

I wish I’d understood

before I got married the first time…

1. Guys, money matters. If you’re not prepared to, on your own, support a wife well already, don’t take a potential fiancee into your arms and promise her anything definitive. I know, I know…these days it seems both partners must work to avoid unacceptably low standards of living. But guys, it’s my personal conviction that — except for in unusual circumstances — you need to be the strongest one in this regard. And if your wife gets pregnant and/or finds she wants to stay at home and be a full-time mother or simply can’t work for any other reason, you both may have to make it on what you earn.  Testimony: I was still in grad school when I first got married. Should have waited two more years by just showing a little self-control.  Caveat: Life throws us all kinds of twists and turns. Sometimes a lady has to support her man for a time, as illustrated well in Jon Bon Jovi’s great song Livin’ On A Prayer. On the other hand, guys, do what it takes when you can. Testimony: At one time in my late 20’s, with a wife and three young kids, I had four jobs: lectured 6 or 7 hours a day in a full-time private high school teaching gig, drove the school bus for another 2 hours a day M-F and for Friday night football team travel, worked as the part-time Youth Minister at my church, and mowed lawns every early evening/Saturdays during the school year and summer breaks.
2. Personality combinations matter. I highly recommend that a couple who are getting serious about marriage study their personality types in the book named The Enneagram Made Easy: Discover the 9 Types of People by Renee Baron & Elizabeth Wagele. This book changed my life only a decade ago, for real. It helped me really understand myself, first and foremost, then others. And if you find yourself looking at the dark side of your potential mate’s personality type and say: “Hold up! That’s not for me! I won’t tolerate that for a minute!”….then you need to get out of that relationship, as painful as it may feel for a while.
3. Birth order combinations matter. There are lots of good books on the psychology of firstborns, second-borns (like me), third-borns, etc. I won’t recommend any particular author or book here. But just know that you should read up on this.  Testimony: As a second-born, my first marriage was to a firstborn daughter. I never predicted from her behavior before marriage how a sensitivity to authority expression and father-image leadership issues in her personality would be such a strong challenge to me.
4. Love languages matter, big time. Gary Chapman’s bestselling books on the 5 languages of love expression are a must read for all potential marriage partners. Start out with the first one: The Five Love Languages: How to Express Heartfelt Commitment to Your Mate. If you don’t already understand your potential mate’s love language and feel really good about caring for him or her in the way that communicates love the most powerfully to them, wait until you do. Period. Paragraph. End of story.
5. The biggest predictor of how you’ll act in your marriage has already been determined by how you related with your opposite-gender parent when you were young and growing up. Did you have a warm, close relationship with your mother, your dad? If you didn’t, deal with this issue. Get some counseling help, if at all possible. After all your initial early-marriage romance has worn off, you’ll eventually relate with your mate just like you did your opposite gender parent — apart from transformative changes in your self-understanding and behavior. Testimony: My growing-up relationship with my mother was hurtful and lonely at times. Other times, it was very good. She lived with huge psychological/emotional issues, including sexual abuse, that gave her dramatic suicidal down times and prolonged seasons of depression. I eventually was drawn to, and helped re-create, a somewhat similar scenario in my marriage as I had experienced in my growing-up relationship with my mother…unwittingly, I suppose.

Agree with me on some of this stuff? No? Yes? Let me know!

One thing’s for sure…marriage is worth saving, if at all possible. If it’s not salvageable at all — one partner has become abusive or completely abandoned the other physically and emotionally — starting over under God’s grace is often to be preferred to the misery of lonely isolation and facing life alone.

Loneliness can kill — especially in modern society where togetherness among close friends and family warmth can be hard to come by. If you don’t have the gift and strength to remain unmarried, don’t even try…especially if a good opportunity presents itself and you can use the insights of this blog article!

Today, I write a “soul” blog! It’s for that unseen living essence in all of us that defines who we really are even more than do our bodies. I’m working with the understanding that if we can heal and strengthen our very souls, we can also do better, more financially profitable work on a daily basis and help our physical bodies be healthier!

Note: In the Greek, “soul” is sometimes interchangeable with “spirit” and is most often that which is comprised of our mind, will, and emotions. It can be unseen, or it can be what was represented as departing to heaven or hell in the famously romantic movie Ghost, with Patrick Suazy and Demi Moore.

Fair warning: What I discuss today is considered fantasy-hooey by secularists! If you’re one of them, approach warily.

Okay, here we go…

Even having a college degree and a masters, there’s still a whole heck of a lot of things in life that I still don’t comprehend — especially in areas I haven’t formally studied. For instance, how can all the small muscles in my face, in a certain configuration, convey my exact emotion to someone who knows me well? Think about it…it’s a psychological/physiological mystery.

And there are a ton of scientific creations by the hands of genius men, especially, that I just don’t understand at all. For instance, cell phone towers and satellite signals and stuff like that. How can they make it possible for me to see an electronic portrayal of my friend’s face on my iPhone screen and hear all the nuances of his or her voice in my head (using my earbuds) when they’re 1000 miles away?

It’s beyond me. I’m just not smart enough, or informed enough, to know.

But, thank goodness, there’s one supremely important thing in life I do know that makes all the scientific or psychological knowledge in the world pale by comparison in its value to me.

It’s simply this: The Bible tells me — in the full revelation of all its varied writings – of a God who not only created the whole cosmos by the unfathomable power of His spoken Word but who also came to Earth, personally, in the flesh. He was here for about 33 years as a man named Jesus of Nazareth and suffered for us, crucified on a Roman cross. He did this as the Lamb of God, prophesied in the Old Testament by chosen prophets hundreds of years before it happened, so that you and I could be forgiven and cleansed and accepted and loved…and know God face to face, forever, having been given as a gift a glorious place in His coming eternal kingdom.

You see, according to Scripture, God’s already done all the bloody sacrificing needed. And He’s already raised Jesus from the dead and sent the message out around the world, calling all men to Himself. All He asks is that we acknowledge our sinfulness and believe His great message of love and turn to him with all our hearts, inviting His Spirit to live within us from now on and transform us, slowly, into the mature sons and daughters of God.

“For God so loved the world that He gave His one and only Son, that whoever believes in Him will never truly perish but have everlasting (eternal) life.” John 3:16    Lots of folks share a special love of this one verse. You even see it on TV written in big letters on placards in the end zone, being held by someone who obviously loves both God and football!

The two brief paragraphs above are my own summary of the message of all sixty-six books of the Holy Scriptures. I’m sure of their bold claim because my 9 years of formal studies were in Christian theology. And after those days of college and seminary, I’ve studied the Bible through several times on my own. Carefully. With an open heart.

So now…

Not only my whole eternity but my daily life depends on the Bible’s supremely important truth. And if you notice, there’s passion in the revelation. God’s passion, for us, that is. He didn’t just passively let us know he loves us. He did what He did with personal passion! Mel Gibson even made a movie about it called The Passion of The Christ.

Some years ago, thanks to author-speaker John Eldredge and his magnificent book trilogy, Wild At Heart, I better comprehended God’s passion for us. I had decided to become a follower of Christ when I was young, but I am still growing over 50 years later in the wonder of what John’s trilogy discusses so well. I highly recommend all believing or seeking men and women read it. I think I can honestly say that if I had known well what John Eldredge presents so well, I would never have suffered a mid-life psychological crisis so damaging as it was, to me and others.

This leads me to my second firm conviction: that God gives to every one of us for our own earthly journeys what I like to call a leading passion, which is so important to our well-being that if we don’t find and express this particular passion within, we simply can’t be right with ourselves or the world.

In fact, without it, we may give in to despair. Without it, we can feel we have no real meaning or purpose. We’re adrift. We don’t know for sure why we’re even here. The world-weary expressions on the faces of Hollywood characters in movies show clearly enough what it’s like to just be trudging through life without an animating passion. Those reality-based characters take drags on their cigarettes, exchange deadpan dialogue, and express all sorts of cynicism and/or despair. It’s the way of the world.

But as I’ve said, God the Father demonstrated His all-consuming passion for us in His Son Jesus’ well-documented birth, life, death, and resurrection from the dead, which are recorded in the four biographies called the Gospels and were written by ordinary men named Matthew, Mark, Luke, and John. Their eyewitness accounts tell the story of how God literally poured out His heart to us through His Son. Even secular historians like Josephus, and many others, have had to acknowledge the extraordinary mission and passion of Jesus that has changed the world.

As for those of us who are willing to take a good look at God’s passion and see it for what it is, we are forever changed by it. It starts us on the road toward a passionate life well lived. We suddenly are breathing and moving about with an awareness that transforms…well, everything.

But we need to know, also, the leading passion God has given us individually. And we need to humbly seek out how to express that passion in a way that helps, but never harms, others. Caveat: Good character is essential here. Spiritual maturity makes the expression of our passion something very palatable to those around us. In the end, we are called to serve, not overwhelm or manipulate or harm.

What is your leading passion?

More on this soon…

There we were yesterday evening, my 85-year-old father and I dressed quite casually in sweat pants and worn out polo shirts as we investigated the numerous egg options in the chilled clear-glass cases on the back aisle of the beautiful and ultra-spacious new King Soopers near our home.

“I don’t know what kind you want,” Dad said, surveying the hundreds upon hundreds of white egg containers variously labeled. I knew he was just trying to be helpful. This was his way of affirming, I’ve got this, however expensive they are. I know you won’t buy the cheap ones.

That’s right, Dad. Even though after a Total Loss Divorce years ago and still being pretty much broke, I wasn’t even thinking of buying the cheap eggs that come from chickens stacked in cages living in mass population, pooping on each other and feeding on GMO grain. No, I prefer the chickens that can cruise the open fields and eat naturally occurring bugs and worms. I know it’s actually good for us humans that they like tasty stuff like that.

But I hadn’t bought my healthy free-range eggs at King Soopers before, only at Whole Foods or Sprouts.

“Do you see anything that you like?” he added, his question only sounding idle while I surveyed for my favored kind. This was a subtle but intriguing fact-finding mission he was on. He wanted to see just how much the term healthy implied when it came to my breakfast food.

I didn’t respond, just kept searching.

Don’t misunderstand. I love, live with, and work in Marketing for, my elderly father. We get along pretty darn good. And believe it or not, he has an exciting startup company about to get into launch mode, but it’s not big enough yet for me to be on full salary and I have to hustle some freelance copywriting/editing work on the side.

Dad most often compensates for that fact by purchasing most of my groceries for me out of his Social Security check and writing royalties. (He’s a semi-famous retired Accounting Professor and CPA who pioneered the online Business Ethics courses required every two years for all CPA’s in their ongoing education program.)

Anyway. I’d let myself run out of — and been sorely missing — my scrambled eggs at breakfast, always and only the love offerings from free pasture chickens sent to Sprouts, where I normally shop now. The last few mornings, I’d quickly become dissatisfied with only having, along with my  K-Cup Donut Shop Coffee, just two slices of toasted Dave’s Killer Seed Bread topped with Sprouts Organic Virgin Coconut Oil and Earth Balance Coconut & Peanut Spread.

True. That’s pretty tasty fare. But I missed my eggs.

$2.00? I thought, as I looked at the first 12-count option. That’s too cheap to be good. Then I saw some for $3.00. Nope. $4.00? Still too cheap, I knew. I would only be getting cage-free but GMO grain-fed eggs for that price.

(BTW, if you don’t know yet about what GMO means — genetically modified organisms — as pioneered by Monsanto and proliferated by other companies like them — you need to check it out. Makes me shudder to think what they’ve done to our formerly healthy grains and how the perverted versions harm us now, all for the sake of the mighty buck.)

Anyway…Ah! There they were! Regularly $6.00, on sale for $5.00 with my King Sooper card! They were from the happy egg co. , free range on pasture, raised with care on small family farms. It even said so right there on the carton. Yeah, it said all that in big bold print so guys like me could see it right away.

But I could just imagine Dad calculating in his head. $5.00 for 12 eggs? That’s over 40¢ each! The cheapies are only about 16¢! (After the initial writing of this blog, I’ve found the very same eggs at Walmart for less than $5.00. Super-healthy eggs are catching on in a big way, I guess.)

Meanwhile, I thought to myself, Okay. Two eggs at a little over 40¢ each, that’s right at 85¢. Add two slices of toasted Dave’s Killer Bread, another 60¢ or so. Add in some home grown organic sausage or grilled ground hamburger with Taco Seasoning to mix in with the eggs, about another 75¢. And yes, miscellaneous stuff like butter or coconut oil and jelly or honey, another 35¢.

Grand total, counting 50¢ for my coffee? (Or $1.00 if I need 2 cups some mornings.) About $3.50, or less. Try going to any restaurant, or even a fast food place, hoping for a super-satisfying, protein-fortifying healthy breakfast for that small amount of money.

For instance, I love The Village Inn. However. To get anything close to what I’ve described, plus tip? Almost $10. And it still wouldn’t be nearly as healthy for me.

But I suppose the question is: Am I worth even the $3.50 every morning? Is my body worth that much investment versus, say, a cheap bowl of cereal or a highly processed $1.00 frozen breakfast burrito that I can just microwave in the oven? (Or some frozen pancakes, etc. etc.)

Think about this. What if my healthy breakfast gives me 15 extra minutes of prime concentration power between 8:30 A.M. and Noon. Well, since I make about $50-$75/hour with my professional freelance work, 15 extra minutes is worth $12.50 at minimum. And that doesn’t even address the quality of work I do when my body and brain are fed with wholesome nutrition! My work could literally go from mediocre or merely good to brilliant simply because I’m smart enough to invest in myself at breakfast.

To repeat from my initial blog: I want body, soul, and wallet zest. And I want them working together, feeding each other. That’s what this blog site is all about.

$3.50 for breakfast, plus a little cook work to make it all happen?

You bet.

But then again…to moderate my average daily breakfast cost…I could alternate toast & nut butter days with egg & sausage days…

…and perhaps just limit myself to one cup of delicious Donut House coffee per morning from my wonderful Keurig…

… and maybe drink only lemon or strawberry kombucha or awesome bone broth for the whole morning one day a week…doing something of a half-day liquid fast…

Hmmm! I can get that average daily breakfast cost down to $2.00!

Let’s face it, friends, in spite of TV and movies and football and soccer and baseball and golf and fishing and hunting and all our other recreations and diversions…in spite of parties and dances and poker games and family reunions and even church socials…

…it is indeed a lonely and often frightening world we live in.

There’s air pollution and water pollution and cancer and bad car wrecks, broken marriages and life-wrecking divorce and heartbroken children with aching souls…

…there are teenage gangsters and drugs on the streets, corrupt politicians and greedy corporations, nagging sicknesses and cheap grocery store food on the shelves that doesn’t nourish us properly and may just make us ill…

…there are wildfires and floods and earthquakes and tornadoes and hurricanes and lightning strikes and…

And mostly – deep in our hearts – there’s just too much fear, the bad kind, and loneliness. Even if we have some good family and friends, sooner or later we come to grief and isolation in some form or another. Or we experience it insidiously every single day as we go about our business and look “normal” to everyone around us.

So we all secretly long for escape — to a safe paradise where beauty and love and deep soul-comforting intimacy fills us. We long for joy and bliss in a different sort of world that will never end. We want the elation of continual celebration and hugs and kisses and…no tears…

But that escape to a painless love paradise of beauty and togetherness and endless pleasure just doesn’t exist. Not yet, anyway. We’re stuck here in our “cold, cruel world” and we gotta just gut it out. Doesn’t matter whether we live in the big city or a college town or a small town or the country. We just gotta battle through the long slog of our lonely, quietly desperate lives.

Or…do we?

To soothe our anxious, lonely souls we take another drag on our cigarette, pour ourselves another drink, drown our minds in loud music and toke at midnight. We drive too fast and guiltily watch porn and even cheat on our spouses. We eat sugary junk food that might one day kill us. Or we throw in the towel and just suicidally inject.

Or we work like maniacs to get rich but never have enough money to truly satisfy.

It has been well researched and scientifically/psychologically documented. Just under the surface of all our activity and busyness and polite smiles, we are…lonely. And afraid. Even a Tom Hanks movie character said so, in a very serious sort of way.

For a season, especially when we’re young, we might convince ourselves otherwise. Sometimes, temporary fun or favorable circumstances deceive us.

But sooner or later, stark reality overtakes us.

Many years ago, a handsome, middle-aged and well-known minister in Abilene, Texas, preached a last sermon then went outside the auditorium and blew his brains out. His misery quotient had hit overload. No one knew exactly why or what could have helped.

Before that, my own mother had attempted suicide first by sleeping pills then by hanging then by car exhaust. I’ve spent decades since then trying to understand why.

Today, in 2017, in spite of iPhones and iPads and Facebook and Messenger, teen suicides are still numerous and tragic and devastating. And old folks wither away in nursing homes or at home alone, facing sure death by loneliness.

What’s missing with us? Why is so much so wrong — not just in our world but inside us? Why all the pain and self-destructive behavior? Were we really made to live this way?

And for the love of God, is there an answer?

Where, in point of fact, can the love of God be found? Or is that, after all, just a mindless expression with no correlation to our mutual sad reality?

I’m thinking that if the love of the Creator cannot indeed comfort us, way deep inside, ultimately we’re screwed. We are — hats off to you, Henry David Thoreau — doomed to live those lives of quiet desperation he referred to then go feed worms six feet under.

Radical question: Was the Biblical author called the Apostle Paul wonderfully brilliant and highly trained yet tragically misguided? When he wrote to the first century Christians in Rome and Ephesus about the love of God, was he just wistfully imagining things? Was he not inspired with real, lasting truth anymore than is a salamander or a drunk fool?

After all, if you actually can fill a dark and lonely human soul with the light of warm divine love, and that love can endure…then…that changes everything.

For all of us.

This is worth investigating.

This last year, I’ve been pretty faithful each morning during breakfast to scour my health guru emails that arrive in my inbox everyday. A big thank you shout-out to Dr. Axe and The Food Babe and even WebMD! Another big shout-out to Men’s Fitness magazine and Pinterest for their info on exercise and healthy foods.

I won’t go into full details, just hit the highlights…my Top Ten Tips in David Lettermen style, in reverse!

10. Walking a mile or two with my E7 wireless headphones on (or not) — especially taking advantage of a good uphill climb /downhill descent along the way — is a more rigorous mind-and-body-stimulating workout than I sometimes expect it will be. Safe, super-healthy, and invigorating…gotta get my walk in almost every day!

9. Weightlifting remains a true fountain of youth for me:

a. my well-developed muscles burn my unwanted (and perhaps lethal) visceral body fat while I sleep;

b. my increased muscle mass helps stabilize my erratic blood sugar (I’m hyper-insulinistic);

c. developing shapely muscles makes me feel better about my appearance and pumps up my good-feelings endorphins.

Note: the atmosphere/people/equipment at LifeTime Fitness in my hometown are just dad-gum motivational! It’s worth the $75/month for a single, $125/couple.

8. Learning to swim when I was 6 is paying off  better these days, now that I’m wearing eye goggles for my indoor swim laps and letting my hips alternate (“rotate”) in their rise and fall in the water with each stroke I make.  I’m therefore moving through the water much better and staying aligned in my lane, which leads to enjoying my swimming more and gaining more aerobic fitness. (I need all the help I can get; right now, though I’m only 6’2″ tall, I weigh 285 pounds!)

7. Making homemade kombucha with a continuous brewer has proven an easier way for me to get a great probiotics drink I love than when I used individual gallon jars and always had to handle my SCOBY’s. My favorite flavor so far is created with small frozen strawberries and I love to drink my kombucha ice cold!

6. Making homemade goat milk kefir was a helpful way to get a powerful probiotic punch. But the dairy eventually clogged me up and gave me sinus drainage. Revert to drinking only kombucha for probiotics.

5. Drinking 2-3 glasses of cool or cold filtered water slowly, well before starting to consume a cup or two of hot black coffee in the morning with my breakfast, is just a smart thing to do. Drinking another 3-4 glasses of cool or cold filtered water during the rest of the day keeps me better hydrated. It also helps me eat less solid food loaded with unneeded calories. I’ve joined the FPC, the Frequent Pee-er Club. It’s all good.

4. Meditation on scriptural truth — reciting key phrases in slow repetition several times each — is a great way to start the day (usually after breakfast) and ease stress for the rest of my day, even when I’m going to be my busiest. Especially when I prayerfully bring to mind the love of God for me personally as I meditate (a love received completely apart from what I do for financial productivity or service to others later on), I find peace in whatever hassles or setbacks I need to deal with during the day.

3. Eating kimchi or cold fermented sauerkraut provides powerful probiotics and it doesn’t take but a few forkfuls to meet my daily need. Yeah, it makes me pucker my face…but I just remind myself of “the power of sour.” Does good stuff for your innards.

2. A Bi-PAP (Bi-Level Positive Airway Pressure) machine has done for me what a CPAP  (Continuous Positive Airway Pressure) couldn’t. A Bi-Pap lets me exhale at a lower pressure level (level 13) than when I breathe in (level 17), while a CPAP keeps forcing air up my nose at the same high pressure level, making it hard to exhale. I sleep like a baby with a Bi-Pap. And better sleep means much better mental and physical health for me, period. They even say it’s hard to lose weight, maybe impossible, if you’re not sleeping well.

1. Golf is a much more physically demanding sport than I realized when I was young. It’s not just a good, but a very good, workout to walk those 2-3 miles for 9 holes or 4-5 miles for 18 holes. Even if I ride a cart (weak right ankle) I still get lots of walking done, uphill and downhill, because my cart can’t take me everywhere I need to go. And the game undoubtedly refreshes my heart and mind…the beautiful greens and fairways, the awesome physics/aesthetics of the game, the quiet out in nature….they all heal me and leave me feeling peaceful. Just so long as I don’t fret or freak over my score!

Final note: It only makes sense that if I follow these tips and enjoy better health, I’ll work better. If I work better, I’ll produce more dollar-worthy stuff. If I produce more dollar-worthy stuff, I’ll steadily feel better about my financial position in life and I’ll be better able to share with others in need from time to time.

Voila! A physical-financial-spiritual win for me AND others.